Selfishness

How often does selfishness cause problems...at work...at home...with God? This seems so simple, yet I am completely dumbfounded by this. My own selfishness effects so many things.

Occam's Razor is a principle that goes something like this "The simplest solution is the best solution". I have spent so many hours in prayer, asking for God to help other people with their sins (wrongs that they have committed against me), but never thought these folks may have been reacting to my selfishness, my feeling of entitlement, my ego-centric world view. How extremely simple...they are not the problem...I am!

I waste so much energy being mad at others (mostly my wife) because they don't see things my way. We don't go to the restaurants I want to go to, I don't get leave the house when I am ready, I can't spend money when I want to. How selfish of me to try and impose my world on others.

When asked "What is wrong with the world"? G. K. Chesterton responded "I Am". This never quite made any sense to me, but now it does. I am the problem with the world. Not that I am causing all the problems with the world, but the problems that I see are because I am looking at them as a very selfish man, who thinks...gulp...I am important.

I just finished reading an excellent book on spiritual development. Ralph Martin's Fulfillment of All Desire is such a powerful work. In it he compares the writings of several saints (St. Augustine, St. Catherine of Sienna, St. Therese, St. John of The Cross, and others) to show the different stages of holiness.

There were several times that I had to put the book down. Not because it was too scary, but because it was so inspiring that I needed to really contemplate the message. One of those moments was during the section on selfishness. It became so clear to me that I was missing the whole point of being Catholic. Even though I went to mass every Sunday (and any other day I could), went to confession regularly, prayed daily, etc., I was still missing one of my main failings. The world wasn't created to have my will imposed on it!

Dear Holy Trinity, please forgive me for being such a fool. You have repeatedly given me opportunities to move closer to you, to let more of your love in my heart, to serve you. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, you are my salvation!